2022 round up.
In some ways, I see 2020, 2021, and 2022 as sisters. Each of them has felt like a fever dream. Where 2020 was a very isolated year, 2021 swung in the opposite direction and was full of intense relationships. 2022 was a happy medium of both. In 2021 I felt like I lost pieces of myself because I was trying desperately to survive in a job and a world that was crushing me, but this year I got a new position with an incredible company and I finally have been given the chance to become myself again. I spent a lot of time with a lot of wonderful people, but I also took a lot of time for introspection and spent a lot of hours by myself. I never thought I’d make it back to where I was before the pandemic, and in truth, I probably never will, but I’ve had a lot of revelations and made a lot of positive steps towards crafting a life that’s even better than what it once was.
I’ve spent a lot of time this year reflecting on myself and where I’m at, and it’s been a long grieving process. Before the pandemic I had a vision for my life — I would be an author and a freelancer and an influencer, someone who impacts a wide range of people online, someone with a following. Part of what I lost in the pandemic has been that following, my interest in social media, and lot of my business. (I might have lost my desire to be an author too, but that’s something to think on in 2023.) The pandemic and the passage of time has taken things from me that I thought defined me, things that I thought I needed to be successful or happy. I thought the dreams of my early 20s were something to cling to. The truth is, I’m just entering a different phase of life now. I feel as if I’m walking through a door to something better. So many of the chains that once held me as a teenager and a young adult are finally falling off me in waves, and there’s a peace that I never imagined I’d feel.
In the end, I found that the lost dreams I once had no longer fit my life. While I love interacting with online communities, I have found that I much prefer the privacy of living for myself and my closest loved ones. There’s less pressure, less stress, and somehow, more creativity. In giving myself the freedom to grieve the life I once wanted, I realized that I’ve outgrown it. It no longer suits me or serves me, and that’s fine. I am, truly, better off without all of it. It’s a strange thing, especially since I spent months feeling sad and lost and resentful…but I’m free now. And it feels like a weight has been lifted.
A huge factor in this mindset is because I read so many non-fiction books this year. In the past I’ve tried to read non-fiction from an education perspective, to learn more about other cultures and people, to understand new perspectives. But this year I found myself gravitating towards books that would help me better understand myself. I spent weeks over the summer pouring over books about emotions and boundaries and interpersonal relationships. I learned a lot about who I am by digging deep into who I’ve been, and in the end, it made me feel grounded for the first time in a long time. I had hours and hours of conversations with friends about how I can treat myself better, how I can ask others to treat me better, and how I can be the best version of myself. It changed the way I view the world. It healed me, little by little.
I think another important part of this year has been my dive into film photography. In the middle of my internal turmoil, one of the biggest constants was my exploration into analogue film and the documentation of my personal life. What started out as a desire to photograph a family trip on 35mm turned into way too many eBay purchases and a growing collection of cameras and filmstocks. I have always wanted to be the kind of photographer who documented their life on film, but it was always too expensive or too unpredictable. While it is still both of those things, I’ve worked hard over the past twelve months to build a foundation that I can improve upon in the months to come. The joy I’ve gotten from revisiting film photography has vastly improved my way of life, and it’s inspired me to invest in my photography again. I haven’t felt thrilled by my art in years, and in some ways I feel like I’m revisiting who I was a decade ago.
What they don’t tell you is that life is like writing a book: if you’re not getting anywhere, sometimes you have to go back to where it all started to figure out where it went wrong.
It’s only in hindsight that I’ve realized that somewhere in the last few months, I’ve fallen back in love with living. It crept up on me in ways I never expected, but I’m at a different place than I was last December. I’ve found myself again after months of hiding, years of surviving, and it feels like I’m actually stepping into the daylight this time. And I know in a year everything will be different and I’m sure I’ll feel despair over and over again in my lifetime, but life is full of cycles and seasons. Every season comes to an end, even the bad ones. You just have to be brave enough to face every version of yourself and remind them that they’re safe.
FAVORITE books
Although I only read 19 books this year, I’m incredibly proud of that number. It was a struggle to force myself back into reading after so long, but I’m finding my stride again and I’ve read some really unique books in the past twelve months.
Blood, Sweat and Chrome: The Wild and True Story of Mad Max: Fury Road by Kyle Buchanan
A non-fiction book documenting the creation of one of my favorite films, Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). This book made me cry. It’s one of the best behind the scenes pieces I’ve ever consumed and they aren’t kidding when they say that this film should have never been made. The book documents the twenty year journey of George Miller as he embarks on creating one of the most insane sequel films ever. It includes interviews from cast and crew, and the entire book makes the film that much more impressive. I think everyone who loves film (especially this film) should pick up this knock-out.
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Aziz Gazipura
Arguably this book is horrible and I don’t think anyone should pick it up…but it’s also the book that changed my life. This self-help book reads like a motivational tape with way too much advice and way too few edits, but it offered me the tools and the resources to remake who I am. Almost every single page is scribbled on, and I have pages and pages of journalling notes that accompany it. This book is not for everybody, and objectively it is not well written, but from a self-help perspective I was, in fact, helped. It felt like a warm hug but also a call to action. It was the wake up call I needed, and I’m convinced it’s the reason I feel so alive going into the new year.
Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
In a strange turn of events, I actually followed through on a new release! By some miracle, I managed to not only reread the first two books in this series, but I also read this newest installment — and it’s a doozy! If you haven’t had your mind shaken and stirred by Tamsyn Muir, you have to hop on this series. Nona is probably my favorite thus far, but that doesn’t mean I understand it. The best part about this book is that it’s somehow even more confusing than what I thought was the most confusing book I’d ever read, Harrow the Ninth. It’s strange and surreal and not at all what I was expecting, but it made me feel so many wonderful things. I’m eagerly waiting for the next book, and I’m completely confused about where it’s all going.
Jade Legacy by Fonda Lee
I’d meant to pick this up last fall (jokes) and kept putting it off as the result of a massive slump. But my god, I finally did it. This series became one of my all-time favorites in 2021, and this finale has given it a permanent spot on my list. This story spans over decades, and it’s absolutely one of the most entertaining sagas I’ve ever read. This final book made me sob, and I love it because it explores character in ways that shorter stories just cannot achieve. I will always love the Kaul family, and this book made me feel so much joy and grief and love. If you haven’t picked up Jade City yet, please treat yourself in 2023.
Alone With You in the Ether by Olivie Blake
The first book I read in 2023 still holds a special place in my heart, and I am so thrilled that it got picked up by Tor to be traditionally published. A lot of people have polarized views on Ms. Blake, but ever since I found her self-published works on Amazon, she’s changed my life. Ether is such a special book because it fits within my favorite type of book: meta expoundings on the meaning of life. The writing style is unique and the characters are compelling, but the best part of the entire book is the acknowledgements. In reading this book I found myself philosophizing and overthinking, and I could live in Olivie’s mind forever.
A Very Merry Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams
Even though my roommate read an ARC of this months and months ago, I waiting for the audiobook to release so I could fully enjoy this story. This is the fifth book in the Bromance Bookclub series, and shockingly, it might be my second favorite of the series. While it’s a cheesy little holiday rom-com, sometimes you just need some mindless love story to make it through December. I absolutely adore the Bros and Colton’s story was so sweet. I love how Lyssa always brings real world issues into her stories, and I’m just obsessed with her humor and her characters. I want the Netflix adaptation IMMEDIATELY!
Babel by R.F. Kuang
Arguably my most anticipated book of 2022, this book is an absolute banger! R.F. Kuang is one of the most intelligent authors of our time, and I’m obsessed with everything she puts out. This is her foray into Dark Academia, and it did not disappoint me. I loved how intricate her details were, and I really loved the commentary on race and class and gender. It also made me cry, surprise surprise. While a lot of people weren’t satisfied with this story, I think it really mirrored a lot of her writing in the Poppy War series, and it added so much to the DA genre as a whole. It touches on a lot of heavy topics, and it really forces you to reflect on colonialism, but that’s exactly why it’s so important. Super stoked to read her 2023 book, Yellowface.
The Ruin of Kings by Jenn Lyons
A friend recommended this book (and series) because they know I love fantasy and A Song of Ice and Fire, and even though I attempted to read this in 2021, I finally got hooked in December. While I still am wildly confused by the world and the arc of the series, I cannot stress to you how much I enjoyed this first installment. High fantasy written by women are infinitely better than their manly counterparts, and Jenn Lyons is absolutely bonkers. This series has just about everything you could want — footnotes, magic, dragons, gods, body-swapping, reincarnation, diverse identities, gay people, you name it! And while I’m still trying to understand where the story is going, I absolutely love the twists and turns that have gotten me this far. So excited to continue this series in the new year!
Favorite Music
In 2022, I listened to 47,475 minutes of music (or, 33 days). I played 4,534 songs among 1,461 artists. Which is to say, a lot of fucking music. Even though I generally gravitate towards a lot of pop, I definitely did my best to branch out this year and listen to new artists and genres. I was most surprised by how much I listened to Charli XCX (she’s the real top artist since Taylor was number one as always), and I was also kind of shocked at how much I listened to The Killers. Overall this year in music was full of bops, and I’m particularly proud of my 2022 playlists. If you’re interested to see what my top played songs are, here’s my wrap-up. I also have a playlist where I compiled all the music I found and loved in 2022.
Some of my favorite concerts from this year include: MUNA, My Chemical Romance, Halsey, Charli XCX, The Killers, and Elton John. I got to see MCR on 9/11 in Brooklyn, and even though we waited two and a half years for our 200s section tickets, it was such an incredible show and I never thought I’d actually get to see such an iconic band live. I saw Elton John by myself in Louisville, KY, and I definitely cried more than once. It was the most expensive show I’ll probably ever see, but it was worth every Stubhub Credit. I got to see The Killers from the pit, which was one of the most surprising things I’ve ever done, and it was one of my favorite shows because we got to watch someone from our section go up and play drums on “For Reasons Unknown” — core memory for SURE. I was surprised with Halsey tickets for my birthday and it was my first time seeing them since 2016 when she opened for Imagine Dragons…it was honestly one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. It rained during one of my favorite songs “Without Me” and I’ll remember that moment for my entire life. And even though I’d seen Charli in concert three times during RepTour, she was entirely in her element when I saw her at the Ryman. Her songs are just so danceable, and it was really therapeutic to get to see her by myself so I could fully enjoy the experience on my own.
Favorite SONGS (released in 2022)
Get Sad, $pend Money by Deza
Change by Djo
Constant Repeat by Charli XCX
Anything but Me by MUNA
I Don’t Know You Like I Used To by Mercury.
Choreomania by Florence + the Machine
Dear Reader by Taylor Swift
Catch Me in the Air by Rina Sawayama
Noah (Stand Still) by Noah Cyrus (feat. Billy Ray Cyrus)
This Hell by Rina Sawayama
Favorite Albums (released in 2022)
MUNA by MUNA
CRASH by Charli XCX
City Sickness by Deza
Midnights by Taylor Swift
Dance Fever by Florence + the Machine
Hold the Girl by Rina Sawayama
HOLY FVCK by Demi Lovato
DECIDE by Djo
Surrender by Maggie Rogers
Laurel Hell by Mitski
Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You by Big Thief
22 Make by Oh Wonder
Favorite FIlMs
My final number for new-to-me movies watched in 2023 is sitting at 55, which is more than one a week! Unfortunately a lot of the movies I watched this year were duds, but there were some particularly good binge sessions, and I watched a lot of amazing new releases from this year. If you want to see everything I watched, you can head over to my Letterboxd.
Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
I think I’ve watched this film three or four times now, but every single time I find something new that impresses me. This is in my top films of all time because not only is it innovative as a production, but it also is such a relatable and heart-wrenching story. I don’t think I could ever write enough words about what this film means to me, but it came to me during a particularly dark time in 2022 and it gave me some much needed light. I recommend this movie to everyone because I think it deserves to be immortalized and seen by every single person on the planet.
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2022)
Ever since I heard this was going to be a feature-length film, I was anticipating it. Marcel the Shell is such a classic character from my teenage years, and to get to see him make his on-screen debut was life-changing. This film is all about grief and love and it’s forever one of my favorite films because it’s so special. It’s gentle and funny and poignant and impressive and I cannot wait to watch it again on a rainy day. You think you’re just watching a kids’ movie, but it’s actually for grown-ups.
Our Friend (2019)
I cannot express to you how much this film made me cry. It sucks that Casey Affleck is in it because he’s the worst, but this movie touched me in ways I never anticipated. Yes, I should have guessed because it’s about cancer, but what I loved most about this film is that it highlighted adult friendships and found family and community. So many cancer films are about families sticking together and helping each other, but this one focuses on a real life story of adult friends who come together to help one another. It gave me hope for my own future, and it’s a very special film to me because of that.
Turning Red (2022)
Move over Encanto! I absolutely adored this film. Yes, maybe I’m drawn to films with strained mother-daughter relationships, but come on! RED PANDAS! What I loved about this film — aside from the relatability, the period talk, and the incredibly adorable animation — is that this film is original. It’s such a unique take on puberty, and I love that we finally have a film that represents the middle school experience. It’s so sweet and fun, and yes, this one ALSO made me cry! We’re four for four people. It may not have a lot of insane musical numbers (I mean, it does have some bangers), but it’s all about family and learning to love yourself as you are, and that alone is worth the price of streaming.
Cha Cha Real Smooth (2022)
Goal for 2023 is to watch more from Cooper Raiff. This film was so unexpected, but I loved every minute of it. It’s cool to see young directors making films that relate to my age group (ish), and I really was so impressed by both the acting and the directing. Obviously I turned this on for my girl Dakota Johnson (did not disappoint), but I stayed because it adds some real commentary about post-grad life and finding your purpose and navigating your mid-20s. There are so many poignant scenes, and I definitely want to revisit this sometime soon. Cooper Raiff is going to be one of those directors that gets a cult following, just you wait.
American Psycho (2000)
Okay yes, I had never seen American Psycho. But! Now that I have, holy shit. I hate to support villanous white men, but Patrick absolutely slayed this film. (Literally!) I think what impressed me the most is that even though this film is now severly dated, it was both clever and funny, and it aged really really well. Christian Bale is always great, but this role was made for him. He really stole the show, and I ate it UP! It really is a classic for a reason, I guess.
The Menu (2022)
A late entry, this was our Christmas Day movie this year and after going in knowing nothing, I am thrilled to announce that this film is a wonderful addition to the “eat the rich” genre. I’m not sure what I expected (a weird rom-com, that’s what I expected, don’t ask why), but this film blew me away. It was creepy and unsettling while also forcing you to reflect on societal norms and class while adding in a slight dash of humor. Anya Taylor Joy killed it as always, but everyone in this film put on such a great performance. One day I will write about how The Menu and Ready or Not (2019) are sisters, but today is not that day. Anyway, eat the rich! Literally!
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
Yeah! I cried again! It’s a theme! Even though I don’t think this film can ever match up to the first BP, I’m so impressed by the entire team for putting this film together. This story is so special and personal, and I know it must have been such a challenge to create. But more than anything, I was wowed by the emotion and the women of this film. I’m so glad that Coogler decided to focus on Shuri (even if I have mixed feelings about Letitia Wright) and RiRi and Okoye and I’m stoked to see where they go in the MCU. Grief movies always get me, and this one will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
I know a lot of people said that this movie does not hold up again the original, but I had such a blast watching this that I don’t care! Give me more films about my silly little gay detective! Glass Onion is an entirely different film than Knives Out, but I think what makes it so compelling is the acting. The cast they chose for this installment is absolutely hilarious, and I think each of them did such an excellent job. More than that, I just really love the mystery! I’m such a gullible, unobservant person that I really had no idea where the story was going, and I loved all the twists and turns. Is this movie going to revolutionize the genre? No! But that’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta watch Daniel Craig say things in a weird accent.
The Lost City (2022)
Arguably this should be higher but I haven’t seen it since it was in theaters. This rom-com is one of the best things to happen to Hollywood since the pandemic. It’s the same energy as The Proposal, and somehow years later, Sandy Bullock is still killing it. Of course, I think the shining star of this film is Channing Tatum (he really should do more rom-coms, he’s such a sweetheart) and I think I spent the entire time giggling. It’s fun, it’s cute, it’s exactly what I wanted!
My Mind and Me (2022)
Bonus film! I went through a weird phase around Thanksgiving where I just wanted to watch music documentaries, so naturally I turned on the Selena Gomez one…and cried. Surprise surprise. I’ve been a quiet Selena fan for years, so to watch her journey in this film was really special to me. Selena is such an incredible person, and even though she isn’t perfect, I really love the energy that she brings to her art and her relationships and her philanthropy. This doc is so eye-opening and it really shows that just because people are famous or rich, it doesn’t mean that they’re happy. I’m so proud of her and all she’s accomplished in her life, and I cannot wait to see where she goes next.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Should probably add this movie just because I did love it and it is also my brand. Nothing can compare to Ragnarok, but I think this film is still very special and yes, it made me cry. Even though I wanted a little bit more from this, I think the overarching theme of Thor learning how to heal and face himself was really beautiful. Also it was so special getting to see Chris act alongside his kids. Sorry, I’m a Hemsworth stan first and foremost!
Favorite Shows
What We Do in the Shadows (S4)
I’ve been obsessed with this film and TV show for years, but I cannot stress to you how much I enjoyed S4. Even though it was kind of bumpy at times, I really loved the character dynamics in this fourth season. I’m still shook over the finale, and I’m counting down the days to season five, but man I love my vampires!! This is one of the few shows that I genuinely waited to watch every single Wednesday — to the extent that I even would watch this before work at like 7:30am sometimes. It’s an all time favorite because it’s the funniest show airing right now.
Our Flag Means Death (S1)
OFMD started out as a GIF I saw on Tumblr, and then it became a full-blown obsession. Apparently I have a thing for pirates, but specifically these wonderful little gay pirates. As a huge fan of Taika Waititi, I had no idea he was even working on this little passion project, but now it is quite possibly one of my favorite works of his. I love how this show challenges norms and tropes, and I’m in love with the actors…and the costumes and the writing and the jokes…the list goes on. If you’re looking for a good laugh but also want to cry your eyes out, you have to watch this show. Season 2 cannot come fast enough!!!
The Bear (S1)
On the list of shows I expected to watch this year, I did not anticipate this one at all. I had never even heard of it until a friend recommended it to me. Then I started hearing that it was like Ted Lasso’s alcoholic cousin. (Still a perfect statement, if you ask me.) This show is gritty and relatable and full of grief and family and love. It’s about food but it’s also about toxic masculinity and the working class and making the most of some shitty situations. More than anything, it’s about found family and how you have to be there for the people you care about, even when they aren’t acting very nice. I love the characters and the cinematography and the writing, and I have high hopes for the next season.
Stranger Things (S4)
This year has been so long I completely forgot we got this season over the summer. After the shitshow that was S3, I had almost given up on the Duffer Brothers, but my god. Season 4 was everything I loved about Stranger Things, and it’s such a fantastic season of television. What made it even more enjoyable was watching the finale with a bunch of friends in Palm Springs. I love the direction the show is going in, and I think the character development in S4 really added a lot to the show. I’m so obsessed with these characters, and I can’t wait to see where everyone goes in the finale season.
Only Murders in the Building (S1-2)
I had heard so many people rave about this show and only decided to watch it after I watched Selena’s doc. Needless to say, the hype was so real. I’m not one for true crime or podcasts, but this show is so clever and hilarious, and the three leads do such an incredible job bantering off on another. I was not expecting to enjoy myself as much as I did, but whoever does the writing on this show really deserves a lot of props. I love the found family elements of this series, and I’m so excited to see where they take it after the S2 finale.
A Discovery of Witches (S2-3)
After I binged S1 of ADOW in 2018, I had to wait for the rest of the show. I read all the books and was so excited to see where they went in S2, and by the time I got around to watching it…S3 was already out. So naturally I binged the rest of it in a weekend, and it was just as wonderful as I was hoping for. As far as adaptations go, I think S2 was more successful for me than book two, and as a whole, this series is such a fantastic adaptation. Maybe I’m just a sucker for Theresa Palmer and Matthew Goode, but the cast as a whole is perfect, and I think the writers did a great job condensing everything down into three seasons of television.
Yellowjackets (S1)
Now THIS is television. Per a recommendation, I started this show not intending on liking it, and then after two days of cramming in as much TV as possible…I was hooked. This is a show for fans of LOST, and it’s definitely filling the void I felt when I finished that show. The most impressive part of this show is probably the casting — they did such a great job finding older actors to play off their younger counterparts — and everyone involved does such an incredible job. I love the twists, the flashbacks, the mystery, and I’m already anticipating S2 in March. This is exactly what I’ve been missing, and it’s just as messed up as they say! (Here’s hoping for some cannibalism in S2, am I right ladies!)
Succession (S1-3)
2022 is a fever dream because I forgot I binged three seasons of this show at the beginning of the year. I had never wanted to watch Succession because I don’t like watching dramas (sue me!), but this is like a trainwreck you can’t look away from. Not only is it the dumbest show I’ve ever seen, it’s also the most clever? The characters are insufferable but also I would die to protect them? It’s not a laughing matter but the jokes are too funny? It’s one walking contradiction and it gives off massive Downton Abbey vibes to me — rich family, lots of fighting among siblings, random deaths and secrets and fuckups — but with an extreme amount of secondhand embarrassment. Either you’re a Roy stan or you’re not, and unfortunately I sold my soul to Waystar Royco. Oops.
Abbott Elementary (S1-2)
We needed a sitcom to save the day, and Quinta Brunson delivered!! This was exactly what TV was missing, and it’s one of the funniest shows of all time. It’s giving Parks & Recreation but make it a struggling underprivileged school. I’m absolutely obsessed with my boy Gregory, and I love all the characters as if they were my own children. Not only does this show touch on relevant topics, but it’s also just really entertaining. The writing is top notch, and I hope we get a dozen more seasons of this.